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For the LGBTQAI+ community then, is the ‘right to consent’ invariably denied? Khan replies, “When we look at the state of queer rights in the world, there have certainly been fewer victories than losses, due to a societal commitment to colonial heteropatriarchal frameworks. Protest and consent are two sides of a coin and in the absence of one, the other becomes a choice, albeit in the garb of coercion. Not knowing that I could refuse or be asked for permission, allowed me to escape the panic of feeling violated.”ĪLSO READ: Did MeToo Create A Safer Workplace For Women In India? Even now, it is quite twisted to say, but I think it illustrates the extremely complicated nature of abuse and violation in the absence of the knowledge that we are all entitled to self-determination and choice. I understood my role as a gateway for someone else’s pleasure and in doing so I felt useful. Nevertheless, I interpreted it as being desired and desirable. In fact, my bigger concern was the contravention of heterosexuality. In my case, at the time, I believed myself to be in the presence of a friend. How could it feel nice if it didn’t happen the way it was meant to be? Khan explains, “In a strange way, the lack of knowledge of consent was a protective factor. In fact, it felt nice.” Now, here’s where the confusion is. Nobody fought, nobody cried, nothing was sore. It was nothing like what we are told rape is. Khan recounts in the book, “I did not make a sound. For the queer then, is the ‘right to consent’ invariably denied?
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Protest and consent are two sides of a coin and in the absence of one, the other becomes a choice, in the garb of coercion. The question of “entitlement to consent” too, therefore, seemed far-fetched. This was not how it ought to be but this was how it happened and it was perhaps the only possible way. Khan reveals in the book, “My shame had not come from the violation but from the sexual affirmation of my queerness.” Though violation and invasion became the medium by which sexual awareness was granted to the child, the sting of stigma came from the acceptance of sexual orientation. It is essential to take note of the way Khan uses the words “concealed”, “wall”, “boundary”, in a single sentence to describe a life event that should have ideally mimicked the vibrance of South African landscape-beautiful and memorable. The boy who raped the nine-year-old had taken Khan to a “concealed alleyway” secured by the “garage wall” of a house and the “neighbour’s boundary wall”. Pride March 300 people partook in the 8th annual Soweto Gay Pride Parade Photograph: Getty Images
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It was the height of summer in Cape Town, on the South African coast, and I had invited my friend around for a swim.” The brilliance of nature’s bounty and everything wondrous is brutally contrasted with what would eventually remain of the day. Khan writes, “On the day I was raped, the weather was wonderful. In the reflection piece, Khan recounts the day of their rape as a nine-year-old child. Coming out is as complicated as staying in the closet. Both the acts of keeping the secret and facing those who know the secret are detrimental to the psychological well-being of the secret-owner. The claustrophobia and suffocation stemming from being in a closet is double-edged. Within this cosmos of privileged heterosexuality, sex hierarchy and power relations, the universe of gay love, passion and compassion is caught in a web of limited choices, rather only two available options: 1) don’t protest and simply obey the orders of the powerful by sacrificing consent, and 2) seek pleasure from pain whether you like it or not.ĪLSO READ: MeToo In India: The Women Who Dared To Speak Out Khan discusses the multiple challenges and hardships members of the LGBTQIA+ community face in society, which is still, somehow, reluctant to go past the heteronormative script of power, desire, sex, and love. Khan, a critical diversity scholar, columnist and author tells us about their searing personal essay, titled Gay boys don’t cry when we’re raped: Queer shame and secrecy in the recently published anthology- Intimacy and Injury: In the wake of #MeToo in India and South Africa (edited by Nicky Falkof, Srila Roy, and Shilpa Phadke Manchester University Press, May 2022). In an exclusive email interaction with Outlook, Jamil F. This Pride Month, let us try and understand what the popular hashtag stands for in the LGBTQIA+ community. In India, for instance, the #MeToo movement opened a cauldron of secrets to unravel the horrific reality of the rising cases of sexual harassment and violence. Should a secret stay hidden forever? To gauge the severity of public response to an exposed secret is hard.